Twilight: Impossible Destiny
by seymourblogger
Summary: Edward locks eyes with Bella as they come out of their respective hotel rooms in Venice, Italy. He immediately violates her without knowing what has possessed him. Part 1 complete.
1. Chapter 1:Kairos

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1 : Kairos<br>**

_There are always at least two occasions when two persons, unwittingly, almost meet. Each time destiny seems to have prepared this meeting with the greatest care, attending first to one possibility, then another, ordering the tiniest detail and leaving nothing to chance. But each time some tiny, unattended eventuality intervenes to prevent the coming together, and the two lines diverge once again at a greater rate... But destiny is much too persistent to allow itself to be put off by a failure. It arrives at its ends, by such subtle machinations that not even a click is heard when at last the two persons are brought together._ (Nabokov)quoted in Jean Baudrillard's **Impossible Exchange** 81

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><p><strong>EPOV 1<br>**

I was coming out of my hotel room in Venice and, as it was late, I finally planned to eat, maybe downstairs. I clicked the electronic lock, turned to check which way the elevator was. That was when I saw her across the hall exiting her room, and her door had not closed yet. As she turned and met my eyes, our eyes locked and I was drowning in those dark pools that got blacker and blacker as her pupils dilated.

My breath caught in my throat and I closed the distance across the hallway, grabbed her around the waist with one hand, pushed her back inside with my body and other hand,twisted around to close her door and lock it, then slammed her against the wall beside the door. My hand around her waist was freed now and I began to rip her clothes off and I covered her mouth with mine and began to bite her lips softly but with more and more sting I knew. She opened her mouth to me as my tongue slid in and sought hers.

_Oh my god what am I doing, but there was no way I could stop now_. I lifted my head to say,

**"_There's nothing here except you. You and me. Us. In this room. In this world. Right now in this moment."_**

And that was all I could get out before I finished ripping her clothes off all the way and starting with my own,imprisoning her mouth with my lips the whole time. Her hands fisted in my shirt, pulling and tugging then moved to my hair and she grabbed it and yanked and moaned and pushed against my body.

I pulled her legs up around me,standing there and poised at her entrance. I went in a few inches, lifted her more and carried us to the bed where I entered her all the way, oblivious to anything, unaware of her, myself, the bed, my life, hers, the world, nothing but slamming into her with all the force I had and listening to her half scream, half moan. Her eyes were squnched closed as I watched her with immense hunger. I couldn't stop and I pulled all the way out just to feel myself slam into her again. I didn't care about her feelings, her pleasure, or anything else about her at all, just this, just taking her over and over and over until she screamed and came all over us both.

I pounded into her until she clenched and clutched me everywhere, inside and out, twisting to get away and holding me so tight neither of us could have moved an inch away from the other. I ground down into her again and again until I felt her deep weak spot that just opened to me like the endless void it was and she began to convulse,scream, cry, tremble , pulsate, throb and until her entire body just let go trembling and shaking and convulsing as she yelled and murmured incoherent words and sounds.

I kept on and on ordered her to come again and pounded her into unmerciful oblivion and spent as she was, she trembled all over my cock again and I let go at last feeling all of her, her mouth, her breasts, the length of her naked body against mine and I threw back my head and hollered to the sky like a primitive animal inside the room of this hotel on the square by San Marco, one of the most civilized places in the world.

When I began to breathe again I turned and looked at her but her eyes were closed.

_**"I've never done this before"**_** I said.**

_"I've never even thought of doing this before. I just had to have you. I'm not even sorry that I can't feel sorry or even say I'm sorry because I'm not. Not at all. I'm just so grateful. You are a dream, you are inside my dreams, and yet you are not. I feel all my life has led up to this moment when you walked out of the door to your hotel room._

_ What trillions of endless decisions and moments and ideas, thoughts, feelings, experiences, everything, just everything that had to happen exactly as they happened for you to walk out that door at exactly that moment in time. I cannot believe it. I cannot believe it happened. How could it ever have happened. I don't know. I will never know._

And I held her tightly to me and began to weep, sobbing until my whole body trembled over hers.

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><p><strong>I have no idea where I am going to go with this story. I will just let the world think it and tell me and I will write it. Or not.<strong>

**Any ideas? Fantasies? Projections?**


	2. Chapter 2: Kairos

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

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><p><strong>Everything can change at any moment, suddenly and forever.<br>Paul Auster**

**You can't put your feet on the ground until you've touched the sky.  
>Paul Auster<strong>

**If you're not ready for everything, you're not ready for anything.  
>Paul Auster<strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 : Kairos<strong>

**BPOV 2  
><strong>

I turned and looked at him as I was shutting the door and when I saw his face I was stunned. Paralyzed by the eyes of

Medusa. I couldn't say a word. I couldn't remember what I was doing outside in the corridor. How did I get here? Who was I? I stopped breathing.

And then he came across the strip of carpet so fast and grabbed me, pushing me back into my room, locking my door,and ripping my clothes off. I'm being raped I thought. I trembled as if hit by a low voltage stun gun. I couldn't protest,couldn't utter a word, couldn't move my legs, couldn't scream, and didn't even want to.

I felt my clothes tearing off me as I was pinned against the wall. I grabbed at him and dug my fingers and nails into his shoulders and then they slid against his back pulling him into me. What am I doing? I cannot believe this is happening to me. My breathing steps up, I open my mouth to say something, please, please, and he covers my mouth, not with his hand or tape or some such, but with his mouth and he begins to bite at my lips and I try to give him my tongue but his teeth just keep on stinging me and I am loving it. I am not who I was just a few minutes ago going out to have a late supper and some wine. Who was that woman?

He enters me and I want all of him in me. He carries me to the bed with my legs wrapped around him, and slams into me and oh god, I am dying. He pounds at me and I can't even return his thrusts I am so gone. I can't do anything except lie here and try to force him closer, closer, closer and I can't get him any closer. His clothes are off. How did that happen? I didn't even notice. And then I am really gone as he reaches that place deep inside where time and memory and the world all go away and I don't clench him, my body just tries to crush him inside of me so he will never get out, never, and then I shake and scream and moan as I come in a throbbing incoherent mess of sounds falling from my lips in words I have never heard and sounds that are foreign to me and still he keeps on and on and then orders me to come again, and I can't help myself, I just obey and come all over him again and then oh god, I feel him letting go inside me and I feel his semen filling me, filling me until I think it will all flood out of me, and it sprays that spot at the entrance to my cervix and I am gone yet again. He tightens his grip on me as our breathing slows and starts to come back to normal.

**_Oh my god. Even if he kills me now I won't mind. I will offer myself to him. He is the most wondrous thing that I_**

**_have ever felt in my life. I am truly ready to die now._**

And then. He begins to talk and tell me about destiny and I know this is the Greek moment called Kairos, when my historical line and my destiny line have just met and crossed in that rarest of all rare experiences. When my two selves have diverged to live separate diverging lives, growing farther and farther apart through time.

And then. He begins to sob in great heaves as he lies on me and holds me as if he will never let me go. And I never

want him to.


	3. Chapter 3: Mine

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

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><p><strong><strong>Leda and the Swan - William Butler Yeats<strong>**

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><p><strong>A sudden blow: the great wings beating still <strong>

**Above the staggering girl, her thighs caressed **

**By the dark webs, her nape caught in his bill,**

**He holds her helpless breast upon his breast.**

**How can those terrified vague fingers push **

**The feathered glory from her loosening thighs? **

**And how can body, laid in that white rush,**

**But feel the strange heart beating where it lies? **

**A shudder in the loins engenders there **

**The broken wall, the burning roof and tower **

**And Agamemnon dead. **Being so caught up,****

**So mastered by the brute blood of the air,**

**Did she put on his knowledge with his power**

**Before the indifferent beak could let her drop?**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: Mine<strong>

**EPOV 3  
><strong>

I feel her hands in my hair as I sob out my anguish, my relief, spent lust, my life, my existence, everything, everything, everything I cannot say or think or know but only feel with all of me. My god, how incredible this is, an Event, unplannable, unthinkable, coming from nowhere. It could never have been planned, never have been predicted, never expected. Like being in Nagasaki or Hiroshima that awful day. How can anyone know anything? You are going about your life, doing the things you planned and then, and then…Yes. John Lennon:

**_Life is what happens to you as you are carrying out your plans._**

What shall I do? What can I say to her? I can never let her go. I've violated her and I know she loved it as I loved it. I shall never want anyone else ever again. How can I keep her? It's not another time in history where I could capture her and imprison her forever, but that's what I want to do. Oh my god, what can I say now, or later, or ever?

Gradually I quiet and I know I must look at her, look deep in her eyes again. If I do I will die again, I know it. But I must do this one thing first.

So I raise my head, look deep into her eyes. She is smiling, not a little smile but a huge one! And then she starts to laugh and laugh and hold me tighter and tighter.

"**I'll never let you go! Never will I let you go!"** she says. "The gods have arranged this and I for one will **not** disobey them!" And then she laughs again and screams, "Thank you! Thank you!", as she looks out the window onto the square and at that moment the pigeons all fly up in the air past the window fluttering their wings before dipping down again. She laughs again and says, **"Did you see that? Did you see that omen! Don't ever think** **about getting away from me! I'll kill you** just like Medea murdered her children, if you even try to think about that! And if you think about it, if it even enters your mind, I'll know. I'll know even before you know that I know and I will kill you!

**_No one will ever have you again. Never! You're mine, just mine!"_**

And then she laughs softly again and holds me even tighter.

**And I am ready all over again.**


	4. Chapter 4 : Mine

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4: Mine<br>**

_We can recall moments in the past when we had equal chances of living or dying - in a car crash, for example... Every time someone finds himself at a crossroads of this kind, he has two worlds before him... It is the same with each decisive moment, both with birth and with death. Just as the virtual dead man that I am continues on his way on the other side, carries on with his existence which runs just beneath the surface of mine, birth is that dividing line where on the one side I exist as myself, but on the other I begin, at the same moment to exist as other **Such is the form of**_

_** alterity**._..(Baudrillard Impossible Exchange 82)

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><p><strong>BPOV 4<br>**

I've gone mad. I heard what I just said to him. He will think I am insane. Well, I am. But how sane can he really be to take me like that. We cannot be new to each other. We must go a long way back into time. Who were we before?

Where in history did we know each other before? We have always been lovers. How many hundreds of years have we been longing for each other? With that violence just now it has been way too long for either one of us.

"_**You knew me right away**_**," I said.**

"I know now that I knew you just as suddenly. It could have been Egypt, or Asia, or Atlantis, Greece. You have always been my lover just as I have always been yours. Through the centuries. And through the future because now is not just now for us. We think we are meeting for the first time now, but we aren't. And somewhere in the future our lives are mingling, Destiny is arranging for us to meet again. We have never been without each other. And all the between times we are always just waiting for the Other, just waiting, doing whatever it is we do in the time and place, but always just waiting for the Other. Because when we meet all else stops. Whoever we were before we meet just goes on and diverges away from who we are when we are together. We become Other as soon as Destiny arranges our meeting. And when we sit and talk to each other about this we will know how Destiny has been guiding the world so

we can at last come together.

"I know all this because I have been obsessed, because I have been trying to find you but I didn't know I was looking, searching. I have been preparing myself to know you immediately, because it is so important that we know instantly so we do not chance missing each other, so we don't waste any more time in this life now. What we are supposed to do I do not know. We will be given signs to tell us. Like the pigeons just now. That was telling us in a startling way that we could not ignore or deny.

"_**Please say something. Please tell me you know this. Please tell me I'm not alone in feeling this right **_

_**now. Please."**_

I'm begging him to know this. I will beg all the rest of the night in as many ways as I can imagine until I know he knows this. I will beg forever.


	5. Chapter 5 : Alterity

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

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><p><strong>Suzanne - Leonard Cohen<strong>

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><p><strong>Suzanne takes you down to her place near the river<strong>

**You can hear the boats go by**

**You can spend the night beside her**

**And you know that she's half crazy**

**But that's why you want to be there**

**And she feeds you tea and oranges**

**That come all the way from China**

**And just when you mean to tell her**

**That you have no love to give her**

**Then she gets you on her wavelength**

**And she lets the river answer**

**That you've always been her lover**

**And you want to travel with her**

**And you want to travel blind**

**And you know that she will trust you**

**For you've touched her perfect body with your mind.**

**And Jesus was a sailor**

**When he walked upon the water**

**And he spent a long time watching**

**From his lonely wooden tower**

**And when he knew for certain**

**Only drowning men could see him**

**He said "All men will be sailors then**

**Until the sea shall free them"**

**But he himself was broken**

**Long before the sky would open**

**Forsaken, almost human**

**He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone**

**And you want to travel with him**

**And you want to travel blind**

**And you think maybe you'll trust him**

**For he's touched your perfect body with his mind.**

**Now Suzanne takes your hand**

**And she leads you to the river**

**She is wearing rags and feathers**

**From Salvation Army counters**

**And the sun pours down like honey**

**On our lady of the harbour**

**And she shows you where to look**

**Among the garbage and the flowers**

**There are heroes in the seaweed**

**There are children in the morning**

**They are leaning out for love**

**And they will lean that way forever**

**While Suzanne holds the mirror**

**And you want to travel with her**

**And you want to travel blind**

**And you know that you can trust her**

**For she's touched your perfect body with her mind.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: Alterity<br>**

**EPOV 5  
><strong>

I listened to her as I looked into her eyes and I felt I had known her forever. And the words she was telling me were saying just what I was thinking and feeling. Yes I knew she was right. I knew her right away. There wasn't even time for me to say hello, would you like to go to dinner with me. Or take a walk with her through the alleys of Venice. No, there was no time at all. I had to make her mine immediately.

"_**I read a novel once and I kept reading one part over and over until I could never forget it. And I didn't know why I had to do that, I just did. And now I know. So I can tell it to you right now. It was written by Marguerite Duras. **_

_**In the novel the captain of a yacht and his wife sail from port to port, stopping only briefly at places they have been before. They have been very much in love, but she keeps a secret from him about another man she only spent one hour with. A man who read her poetry and loved it. And in that one hour that she speaks with him, she falls in love with him. And says this to him":**_

"I wanted to tell you what I think, which is that … one always ought to keep oneself a ... place, yes, that's the word, a private place, where one can be alone and love. To love one knows not what, nor whom, nor how, nor for how long. To love... now all the words are suddenly coming back... To set aside a place inside oneself to wait, you never know, to wait for a love, perhaps for a love without a person attached to it yet, but for that and only that. For love. I wanted to tell you you were what I had waited for. You alone became the outer surface of my life, the side I never see, and you will be that, the unknown part of me, until I die. "

"_**And that is what I want you to know right now. That I have been waiting for you, waiting it seems like forever. I knew I would never stop waiting. And as soon as I gazed at you, I knew I had to have you._** And **_that I could not wait another second, no matter what the consequences. **_

_**It felt like madness but I couldn't have stopped if the building were burning down on us. If it had happened when the Twin Towers were hit, it would have been the same. That's the level of madness I felt when I saw you. **_

_**So yes, I believe what you say. I have no idea what to do about it, but right now I don't care. I just need to have you again and this time I am going to savor you. For a very long time."**__  
><em>

And I began to kiss her softly, then more urgently, then insistently, cruelly because I couldn't get enough of her. I couldn't stop and I would have gone on all night but her hands reminded me I had other parts of me besides my lips and mouth and they began to demand my attention.

I strained against her, then touched her everywhere and then after I had finished with her mouth, her breasts, her thighs, her hot center, I began the journey all over again.

My mouth was on her body and moved of its own accord, drinking her, devouring her, demanding her, never stopping, my hands between her legs, my body crushing her beneath me, then lifting up and pulling her over and I couldn't get enough of all this touching and eating her skin, hair, ears, hands, feet, breasts, and I knew if I began eating her folds and entrance I would never stop so I began tasting her, sucking her, smelling her until I was driven mad again and couldn't be tender any longer.

I was starving for her, hungry as I had never been for food, desperate for her, to be in her and I groaned and entered her again, slowly at first then harder, until I was frantic with desire, unable to stop and I slammed into her again and again until she screamed my name over and over.

And she tensed, held her breath, tried to stop but couldn't and began to tremble and convulse against me and I pounded into her harder and harder until I gave up and let everything go into her moaning and crying out and holding her so hard I thought I might break all her bones.

"You're mine now. You're mine. You're mine and no one else's. And I will kill you too if I see you, hear you, imagine you ever touching anyone else again the way you touch me. You're mine! I grabbed her throat and knifed her eyes and threatened her with murder if she ever even thought of anyone else. "

My god what is going on with me. She laughed about this, but I cannot even smile about it. I am dead serious. **She's mine, mine and no one else's.**

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><p><strong>Everyone seems to stop here and not go on. I am wondering why.<strong>


	6. Chapter 6: Alterity

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

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><p>"<em>If she had not had too many beers. If she had been listening to a different radio station. If he had not been on the road in the wrong place at the wrong time. The fatal crash was the sum of an infinite series of "ifs," tracing back to if life had never evolved on Earth in the first place. In our lives, we surf the wave of chance."<em>

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><p><strong>Chapter 6: Alterity<strong>

**B****POV 6**

I talk to him knowing that I am his for eternity, so I am not concerned or distracted by his aggressive obsession. He will realize soon enough what I already intuitively know. We are here for each other in this lifetime, and for forever. It has already been decided long long ago and nothing we can do will change that. I cannot leave him and he cannot lose me. We are joined.

"I saw a movie just before I left. **Another Earth** written and acted and directed and edited by two people whom I suspect are in love. Shoestring production and it just won at Sundance, the jury prize and the Sloan prize with no fanfare at all when it arrived."

I continue. "A girl has just won a prestigious chance to study astrophysics at MIT and she is wildly celebrating, drinking too much.

"She drives home and on the car radio hears that **Another Earth **has appeared in the sky. She leans out the car window to see and glimpses it, running a red light, crashing into another car, and killing a woman and child.

Getting out of prison four years later the man in the car, the husband has recently come out of his long coma. He was a musician, a professor of music and now is a recluse. She is tortured by guilt and we see that no prison term or societal punishment has any effect except perhaps to give the person a long time to think, when they are not protecting themselves from the aggression in the prison.

She feels drawn to the man, searches him out, and offers to clean for him. He is living in white trash squalor, drinking himself into an oval oblivion.

"The reviewer Ebert says this. Listen because I memorize too without knowing why:

"_If she had not had too many beers. If she had been listening to a different radio station. If he had not been on the road in the wrong place at the wrong time. The fatal crash was the sum of an infinite series of "ifs," tracing back to if life had never evolved on Earth in the first place. **In our lives, we surf the wave of chance**."_

"And she offers to clean for him. She has a job cleaning at the local school after hours. I guess the psychologists would say she was debasing herself, punishing herself by working a menial job. I see it differently. There is no amount of cleaning that will ever clean her soul for what she did in her carelessness.

"She begins to clean for him. She orders his house. He stops boozing; she becomes lighter, and almost happy sometimes. He begins to play music again. But all the time she knows who she is and knows he does not know who she is. She enters a contest to be the first to visit this other earth.

"She tells him a story of the first cosmonaut who is on the space station. He hears a sound of dripping, but it's not liquid. It is more metallic but regular and relentless like a drop of water. The way they do it to torture you and drive you mad. Those stories. He searches all over the space capsule but he cannot find it, he cannot stop it. He knows he has 47 more days to listen to it and he knows he will go mad long before that. And then he knows how to escape madness.

**"He needs to fall in love with the sound.**

"He falls in love with the sound, listens to it intently, it turns to music and he listens to the music in rapture for the rest of his time up there in the capsule.

And we will see the musician later giving her a solitary concert in an auditorium where he plays a saw. A real musician really does this by the way and the filmmakers had the musician in the film really learn. A while ago he had seen her cleaning, saw her pick up the saw and bend it and listen to it.

"Do you know there are ants that take caterpillars into their nest?"

Edward raises one eyebrow in disbelief at me. I continue.

"They have liquor on their fur, and the ants drink it and get drunk. But why must they take the insects into their nest? And then someone thought to record with boosted intensity inside the nest. As the caterpillars were stroked for the liquor, they made music. It was the music the ants craved to keep with them.

"Isn't that beautiful. I know because once when I was high, I did something like that. It was night and summer and there were mosquitoes in my cabin near the woods. Pesky creatures that drive you crazy. But this night I felt one at my ear buzzing and instead of swatting it I waited - as I have been waiting for you – to see what it would do. It crawled down in my ear and I let it.

He is listening quietly to me.

"And then you can't imagine! A million violins were in my ear and the music was like no symphony I have ever heard!

"And I don't remember how long I listened. Or fell asleep, or whether I passed out or what."

"Back to Rhoda and the story. She has won the contest. He begs her not to go. He cannot bear to lose her. So she tells him a story about a girl. She is the girl.

"He begins to realize who she is and as she tells him she has made him happy but he has made her happy too, he leaps up and begins to strangle her. They have already violently kissed and made love before this. Not unlike us. But now he wants to kill her for ruining his life. So she runs out and escapes and he lets her.

"And this other earth is our mirror. There are Borges mirror people living there, and they are us. They are our doubles.

"Just as who I was before tonight is drifting away now and my Double has emerged with you. She wants to see her Double. The woman she would be if she hadn't killed her lover's family.

And the last scene is: she sees herself dressed in a nice coat with high leather boots with heels looking back at her in her bunchy made for practicality coat, hat, gloves. And they just stare at each other.

"Why am I saying this to you. That's not a question. Why am I telling you this story. Destiny arranged all of it. The party, her drinking, the crash, the death of his wife and child, his coma while she is in prison, her seeking him out, his permitting her into his life, their passionate embrace, and her journey to **Another Earth**.

"All of it planned to the tiniest detail."

"**Why are you here in Venice?"**


	7. Chapter 7

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

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><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

**EPOV**

Oh this woman. I will live forever and still not get to the bottom of her. Listening to a symphony of one mosquito. Now I long to hear that music too. Ants who get drunk, kidnap caterpillars, as I want to kidnap her, stroke the caterpillars like musical instruments to listen to their music, never letting them go. I understand those insects with all my heart.

**_"Why am I here in Venice? It's obvious of course. There can only be one reason, don't you think?_**"

I smile at her, touched by all that she has said. Overwhelmed by her feelings and thoughts and understanding and all that she is that is so perfect for me. I breathe freely for what seems like the first time in my life.

"I came here for the Biennale, the art show. The opening was two weeks ago but for some reason," and here I smile again, " I found I couldn't leave. I had to cancel my plane ticket, take a loss on it, and still I couldn't understand why I couldn't leave. So I walked around, ate at small out of the way places, thought, drew some, wrote some, read some, but really just waited. I was waiting for you of course, but I didn't know that."

_**"Why did you come for the show? Are you in it?"**_

"I am. Have you seen it?"

"No, I was planning to go before I left though. I promised my friend Alice I would see it and report to her if there was anything she might want to research. So yes, I was definitely planning to see it. But now I want to see it with you. You will go with me, won't you. That's not a question. Is it still on the Lido the way it used to be?"

_**Oh god, the way she sees, she will see through to my core when she sees my painting. She will immediately know. I can't wait. I won't tell her anymore. I want to surprise her. But I am the one who will be surprised. I know it.**_

Her eyes are closing so I tell her to sleep as I want to watch her sleep. When she begins to breathe regularly I touch her gently. She moves, so I hold still on her. As her breathing deepens, I slowly move my hands to another part of her body. She is still quiet so I continue, slowly, gently with great tenderness. I love her so. I have always loved her, and I know that now. She turns her back to me and I lean in close. I know what I am planning to do. I want to be inside her, to sleep inside her, without her waking. I want to just breathe with her, to become one with her, to fill her dreams and have her fill mine. And I will take as long as I need to to sleep inside her.

**I want to own her dreams too.**


	8. Chapter 8 B

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

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><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

**BPOV**

We are taking a private gondola to the art show. The vaporetto would be a noisy beast now, and the age old swaying motion of the gondoliers, so proud of their inherited skill, create such a quiet time for lovers like us. Edward says there will just be some tourists there, not the crowd that was at the opening. In fact we may have it to ourselves at times.

"**_So why are you in Venice, Bella?"_**

"Hmmmm. Other than the real reason you mean. Well, I'm a psychic," I say. "An expensive one. My client wants me to go to Livorno. It used to be Leghorn, you know. Anyway she wants me to find which canal Modigliani threw his sculptures in."

_**"What!" He says. "You were sent here to do what!"**_

"What. You didn't know this?" I say.

"No. We're talking about millions and millions of dollars here."

"I suppose so. All as a result of a major temper tantrum."

"Tell me the story."

"Modigliani came from a wealthy privileged family in Livorno. He went to Paris to continue his art there because Livorno was so staid, so normal, so, well, you know. And Paris was the center of it all then. He drank a lot, used drugs a lot, but still he painted a lot. Then he became interested in sculpture. He didn't have any money so he used the cheap sandstone that was available in Paris, but it was soft, dusty and he already coughed a lot. He was on his way to tuberculosis even then. So it made him sick to use the sandstone. There's one of his sandstone carytids on the steps at the Barnes foundation in Merion. Have you seen it?"

"_**I have."**_

_**"I would bet all the canals in Venice that we just missed each other there."**_

"Yes. I was supposed to go one day. I had the appointment. But something happened, I forget what, and I had to reschedule. I would not be surprised if you were there the day I was supposed to be there and couldn't go. Continue", he ordered with a smile.

I am imagining what would have happened if we had met at the Barnes. The beautiful grounds, the incredible aura of the place. I'm looking at him and I forget everything I was saying. My breathing hitches. The gondola is hitting choppy waters here and I don't dare move and rock the boat. The water is filthy.

_**"I forget what I was talking about."**_

"You were telling me about Modigliani."

"Oh," I said. "Yes. Yes I was. Now I remember."

I continue. "So he decided to pay his family a visit, go home, and use the wonderful and cheap marble they had in Livorno, Leghorn then, and spend the summer making sculptures out of it. He did. And they must have been lovely, breathlessly beautiful. At the end of the summer he gave a show of his work. It was laughed at, ridiculed, denounced, trashed. Just like Albert Barnes's collection. He was so furious he got a wheelbarrow, piled them in and went to the canal and dumped them. Very impulsive. Really a major temper tantrum as I said. And then he went back to Paris, drank, did drugs, made art and

**died."**

"And they are still there? I can't believe that."

"Well, it's very silty mud, and it's been so long, they figure that during the bombing in World War II they were buried so deeply by then that they were covered with it and protected. But this bit of information is in a biography that's not very academic, and no one reads it because it was written for a popular reading audience, so no one has looked for them.

"Besides the Italian government would never allow them to leave the country, which would make it difficult to make a fortune on them. Difficult, but not impossible and I think that's what my client has plans to do. But she can't go digging around a bunch of canals because then she would be above the radar. If she can precisely locate them, then she can pretend to be doing something else as she digs them up. Once they are out of the country they can be, you know, found somewhere, hidden in a barn or something, just waiting to be discovered by someone who happens by.

It's a creative plan if she can pull it off. So I am supposed to intuit where he dumped them. But I'm in Venice because I thought as long as I was so close, I might as well see it. And Alice wanted me to look at the art show, so that's why I'm here."

_**"But I know why I'm really here," she said darkly.**_

He looks at me in disbelief. Astonishment.

"I will go with you."

"Yes, I already know that you will. What point would there be to separate."

And I stop talking and just gaze at him without thinking of anything at all. I'm just looking and breathing, just looking and breathing. That's all.

**I am beginning to tremble again, but now it's deep inside me.**


	9. Chapter 9E

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

* * *

><p><strong>Rothko's change, his passage almost without transition, to an immediate, definitive form. It is there<strong>

** all at once, perfectly mastered, end of story. And it is light-years away from what he was doing up to**

** that point. (Cool Memories IV 84-85)**

**This is something entirely different from an evolution - even a creative evolution. It is an almost **

**genetic impulse by which he separates himself miraculously from the artist he still was, with his **

**place in the history of art, to be nothing but the sovereign medium of an extremely simple form, **

**which no longer has anything to do with expressionism or abstraction." (Cool Memories IV 84-85)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8 E<strong>

**EPOV**

My god, who is she? She is so completely Other. I am in awe of her, amazed, and desperate to take her now right in the gondola and go to the bottom of the canal with her and drown. I have turned into a madman in my mind to even think like this. I touch her helping her out of the boat, and I can't take my hands off her, so I don't.

**This is new to me**.

We go inside and I am still processing what she has told me. She's an accessory to a $30,000,000 heist! Of priceless artworks! As if she is talking about baking gingerbread cookies!I can't let her do this. I have to protect her. She can't put herself in jeopardy like this. I couldn't live through it.

We wander and I don't take her to my paintings. There are two of them here as the curator couldn't decide which one to show. We do the usual talk talk about art as we look, but neither of us is really paying attention. I can't focus while I am feeling her next to me like this. This is our first date for crissakes. I'm concentrating all my energy on not throwing her down on the floor. I want to do it. What the fuck is the matter with me.

**Then we turn a corner and she stops dead.**

"That's yours, isn't it? That's not a question. I know it is. I've seen your work before. I was supposed to be at your opening in New York, in Chelsea last fall. I was there ready to go in because Alice said I must see it, and I must meet you. When she met me at the door she said it was mobbed. Everyone was trying to talk with you, and it was knee deep in admiring women. She said it was really the wrong time to meet you, the wrong time to be able to contemplate your work, and that we would come back in the daytime when it was not so crowded. We went out to dinner and Jasper, that's her husband, got drunk at dinner because he made so much money from your sales. Oh my god, I don't believe this. Jasper is your agent and Alice is my best friend. She collects and she has a lot of your work. Naturally I've seen all hers. I went back and saw your show when I was alone and I spent three hours looking at it. What if we had met that night! I can't even imagine it!"

And she began to laugh and laugh as if there were no tomorrow.

How had I been missing her! All that lost time. But at any of the other meetings, it wouldn't have been the same. I could hardly have taken her at ** Mary Boone** **Gallery.**

How would I have stopped myself? What would I have said? Something ordinary? And then we might not have known all that we know now. How long would it have taken us to figure this out? Would we ever have figured it out? No, we have met at exactly the right time and in the right way for us. The perfect time. The only time.

I sit on a bench, pull her onto my lap, and hold her tight, so tight. "Oh Bella," I breathe, just "oh Bella," over and over again. I feel her trembling in my arms, and she can't stop either. She is smiling and laughing and then she cries and sobs, then laughs through her tears again. We have been so close, so close all this time. Then we meet as strangers and I grab her and rip her clothes off and violate her. **Who could have dreamed this up!**

"_There's a hotel near here. Let's go check in. We can come back tomorrow and look at my paintings and talk then. I can't focus now. I can't talk about them now the way I wanted to talk with you about them. I wanted to listen to what you see, listen to how you tell me what you see, tell you what I am trying to do with them. **But that's all over now.** I don't need to continue painting that way anymore. It was all for you, all to find you, and now that I have, I don't need to paint like that anymore. I don't know where I will go next, but it will be something totally new for me. A complete change, like the one Rothko made. No transition, no working my way through something. _

_"**Just a jump over the abyss into the unknown**."_


	10. Chapter 10B: Death

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

* * *

><p><strong>An object does not exist until and unless it is observed. – Wiliam Burroughs<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>For Savage's Hide and Drink Edward<strong>

**The blood blossom flowers **

**At the fragile girl's throat**

**The vampire leans down**

**Holding her imprisoned supine form**

**His mouth open**

**His lips caressing**

**Silken skin suckling**

**Plumbing pulsing each precise**

**droplet**

** Throbbing into him **

**Drinking and calming his frenzy**

**Then his venom seals her wound.**

**Saving her for yet**

**Another day**

**Another night**

**Another time**

**Until...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10 Death B<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

We are walking up the stairs to the fourth floor. The lift is broken. At the first landing I take off my shoes. As I walk up to the second landing I am unbuttoning my blouse and as I keep going up and up I am unzipping my skirt. Luckily I have no bra and panties on so I walk in the door and everything drops off and I am standing there in my socks. I turn around to Edward and he is just standing there in astonishment. I grab his pants and begin to unzip, but something is caught and I can't.

"_**Take them off! Take them off!**_" I scream at him. "**Hurry, take them off"** and he does. As his pants loosen I pull them down, go down on my knees and take him in my mouth. He grabs my hair but I am so violent he grabs the chair instead to steady himself. I don't wrap my lips around him, I don't suckle him or suck him, I just open my throat and I don't even swallow him. My throat just opens and he slides down my throat and my throat muscles close around him and pull him deeper. My teeth are trying not to bite him but they want to. I begin to milk him with my throat.

**He looks at me in horror.** He tries to pull out but he can't. I threaten him with my teeth. I will bite him in half, shred him if he continues. He's mine, mine, all mine and I want him exactly where he is right now. I will not allow him to pull out of my mouth and throat.

**"_Stop Bella, please stop. Now. Before it's too late. Please, please_**." _Not a chance I say to myself._

And then he hits me hard across the face and in my pain and utter surprise, I gasp and he is gone. I scream at him, go after him, He pushes me down on the floor and crushes me with his weight. I hit him, bite, scratch, claw, kick, twist but I cannot get away.

_**"NO! NO! No, don't stop me don't stop me, I have to have you I have to I have to I need you, please please please!"**_

"_Bella, Bella, no no no, please Bella, no not this._

_**I know this. I know what it is.**_

_You can't. I can't. We can't. No no no."_

_**"Yes!" I scream. "It's all I want, all I want! I must have you like this!. I will die if I don't! Please, you **_

_**don't understand! Please please please!"**_

"No, no, no. You don't know what you are asking. You don't know what you are starting. You don't understand this. _**You don't know about this.**_ Trust me. _**I know about this**_. It's the most dangerous thing we could do.

Please just listen. Just trust me on this."

**"No no no.**" I cry and sob. I plead. I kiss him. I beg. And he won't move off me. He won't budge an inch off me. I am pinned down in defeat. So I weep and weep for what he can't understand. He can't know how much I want him. How wonderful I will make him feel.

**He can't know or he would never refuse me.**


	11. Chapter 11: Death

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

* * *

><p><strong>For Savage's Hide and Drink Edward<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>The blood blossom flowers <strong>

**At the fragile girl's throat**

**The vampire bears down**

**Holding her imprisoned supine form**

**His mouth open**

**His lips caressing**

**Silken skin suckling**

**Plumbing pulsing each precise precious **

**Deep and delicious mouthful**

**Throbbing into him **

**Drinking and calming his frenzy**

**Then with his venom **

**Seals her wound.**

**Saving her for yet**

**Another day**

**Another night**

**Another time**

****Until….****

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11 Death E<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

As we go up the stairs Bella begins to undress. At each landing she undoes more of her clothes.

**My god I am ready for her.** I'm not sure I will even get in the door. And then when we do and she begins screaming at me to take my pants off. I don't know who I am looking at. She is possessed. Her eyes are wild, her eyes are black and luminous, and she is unstoppable. She goes down on her knees in front of me and takes me in her mouth. But I slide down her throat and her throat muscles clasp me tightly, pull me down deeper and deeper; her teeth graze me in warning. My god! Vagina Dentata! She grabs the skin on my ass to hold on and then I am horror struck as I realize what's happening. I see it all the way to the end. To Death.

**I am about to be initiated into a practice that has no return.**

**I hit her hard across the face to stun her**. And she gasps and I leave her throat and mouth in a rush.

She looks at me in hurt and astonishment, before she crumples into sobs while I am throwing her to the floor, on her back, restraining her with my body, hands, legs. I know about this. It is ancient. The ecstasy it offers is without comparison. Anyone who indulges does not come away alive. I will come in her mouth and she will keep milking all of it out of me and it will be so wonderful I will want her to do it again. And again. In a short time my semen will become mixed with blood and she will milk my blood out of me. She will crave my blood and I will crave her mouth but her throat even more. She will bleed me, and I will beg her to keep bleeding me. As I die from lack of blood I will still beg her for just - yet - once - more.

**And I will die. **Just like those rats who press the bar to stimulate their pleasure center and don't drink, don't eat, don't fuck, don't take care of their babies. That's all they want. Just that. And it will be all I will want and all Bella will want. And when I die and there is no more of my blood she will go mad and die.

Asian prostitutes know this. Men did not die because they didn't have enough money to continue to the end. When AIDS came on the scene they were more careful and now it is impossible to find one who knows the ancient art, who will do it. Mothers train their daughters starting in early childhood. Bella knows from a past life. We have done this in the past. We have died like this in the past. I know it, I know it. The desire is so strong, we must have never been able to resist before. I can hardly resist now and only because I know about it. If I didn't know about it I would never have stopped. And we would have been doomed yet one more time. My god. This is where this incredible demand that she be mine, mine and no one else's. Only her. She is the only one who can do this to me. I am the only one whose blood she will want once we begin.

** Oh my god. This is where the legends of vampires come from**, only the genders have been reversed to reveal and conceal the secret. The sexual ecstasy just suggested, **but death clear and open.**

I keep telling her no, no, no that she doesn't know what she is doing. She can't know. Now is not the time she will listen to words, so while she is sobbing I hold her tight around her sides and stomach and my left hand digs into the base of her spine where that abominable glorious kundalini energy lies dormant, a snake ready to coil out and strike when we least expect it. I put my mouth on her and begin to devour her folds, her center, thrusting my tongue in her, sucking her clit, my teeth demanding she respond to me. Slowly she begins to move as I insist with my fingers, my mouth, my tongue, my moans, my voice humming against her.

**She returns to this world of ours and looks at me eyes wide open, breathing heavily but no longer erratically.**

"_What happened? What Happened! Where was I? I was gone. I was in another time. I couldn't stop. I wanted to kill you if you left me. Is that what I meant when I said I would kill you if you even thought about trying to leave me? And I know given the slightest opportunity I would do it again in a heartbeat. How could you have stopped? Whatever made you stop? Why did you stop? I don't understand. Tell me. Tell me."_

So I entered her slowly, pushing deeply into her, slowly, very slowly, and as I did I began to explain this ancient practice. I kissed her throat, her lips, her breasts, her nipples, and held her face with my hands and looked deeply into her eyes as I began to tell her about the beautiful, powerful **Cumaean Sibyl **who lived in a cave and was a prophetess. Michelangelo painted her on the Sistine Chapel. Aeneas visited her to help him go into Hades and return. Virgil writes about her. And it was in her cave that a Christian burial ground was discovered in 1932.

**Her cave looks just like a vagina.** **I have no doubt who those bodies belonged to. I was even willing to believe that I was one of them.**

_"No wonder I knew you right away when I saw you across the hallway_. _You have haunted men's dreams for all time. And you know secrets of pleasure and power that you don't know you know. There is something beyond us going on. I haven't asked but I know you are using a chemical means of birth control. No condom, IUD, jelly, cream or anything would stop what is going on with us. You have a barrier against me, a barricade so to speak. Something is in a frenzy to break it, to have us vulnerable to each other, vulnerable to danger and Death. Something is urging us uncontrollably to procreate and something else is trying just as forcefully and dangerously to stop that from happening by killing us. The tiniest of details disrupting destiny each time we almost met. That tiny thing kept diverting us, by ruining it for Destiny._

_**"If I had met you at the opening I would have known you**, but we would have gotten to know each other a little slower, more socially. I have no doubt we would have been together, but in a more conventional way. And I doubt we would have known what we know now in just these last 24 hours. And we would have had children without thinking about this and these forces propelling us and forbidding us, these avenging, dueling angels if you will. We just would never have known. Perhaps we had children in the past? Maybe not. I think not. I think we died of this in the past. Many times. To keep us from procreating. But there would have been no transgression for us in New York City, that way. Everything would have proceeded naturally and normally. We might have lived at the edge of mainstream, but that would be it, just the edge, the avant garde. And I would have continued discovering my way through painting, and you might have continued to be a psychic. And we would have grown old together normally._

_"But in that moment of Transgression our **Doubles** appeared. When the Double appears, then **Death** is by our side. Only I think this time we fully know it. And that is our trial in this lifetime. We know more than we ever did before. Before we were just very willing victims. Unconscious. Unknowing. We have to protect each other this time. _

_"Your latest psychic endeavor is to distract you from the deep knowledge of who and what you are and what we are. It was exciting enough to do that. So was my painting. My success with it. My independence from the standard art world. Mary Boone helped me as she has been doing this for strange and singular artists for a long time now. _

_**But oh my god, this is way out of my league.**_

_**Without that moment of Transgression in the hallway we would never have known.**_

And then I hushed and lost myself in her, entering her anew over and over, slow and slower, until my control

slipped and I began to lose it again. I couldn't stop. I couldn't have stopped if the hotel burned down around us.

**I was gone.**

_. _


	12. Chapter 12 : Dreaming

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

**Chapter 12 B**

**BPOV**

I can't think about this now. None of it makes sense and all of it is perfectly sensible. Yes we can certainly kill each other by entering the dark world of de Sade, going deeper and deeper into perversion just to feel more and more intensely. I know this. Edward knows this. There is no end to it once you start. We could just play games on weekends, have a playroom, but that isn't me and it isn't Edward. We are not playing a game. We are in a dangerous strategy, which is greater than what we know. And it has been going on for centuries. Maybe

**thousands of years**.

We are in the dark.

We are being played.

How long have we been played with?

What is wanted from us?

How can we know?

I am lost.

Without Edward holding me, touching me I would disappear. He is out of his league as he says.

Well I am way far out of mine.

I guess we will just have to go day by day to see what happens. What the world is willing. There is no possibility of deciding or choosing anything. There can be no making of plans, no willing on our part, or decisions. Destiny has us now.

**By the throat.**

We will just have to wait. Both of us are good at waiting.

And with that I tumble into sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>I am in a dark cave, way in the back before an altar.<strong> But I am faced away from it, although I can smell its

incense, a delicious fragrance.

I am wearing a loose white silken robe and my hair is long and wild. My feet are in silk sandals with kidskin

soles. I am scented with myrrh from foreign lands. I am the **Sibyl**, beautiful and powerful with deep secret

knowledge, which is all kept in volumes of books within this temple of mine.

I am waiting for an appointment from a foreign adventurer who has been waiting to see me. My young virgins bring him to the entrance of my private area and I see his face for the first time. My insides quiver as he looks at me. His eyes immediately look down, and he sinks to his knees offering a small silver fur holding large jewels: diamonds, rubies, emeralds and sapphires.

_**"My most humble offering to you, my lady."**_

_This is no humble offering I say to myself. I am wondering just what he wants. To go into the Underworld like Aeneas? Perhaps. But I don't feel so._

_"And what land do you come from? It is clear you are not from around here_."

His hair is wild, coppery with glints in it, his eyes green, his face pale and beautiful. He is tall and lithe with sensitive hands and fingers.

_"I am a Celt, my lady, and I do not come from any land_. Occupying property is not to our liking. We are troubadours, poets, artists and search in hearts, not for land. I have heard of you. Your beauty and your exquisite knowledge of the arts. I have journeyed long to find you, to be seen by you."

_I see that this one is dangerous, very dangerous._

_"And what is it you want from me? Or do you want me to tell you. Cryptically of course." and I smile an enigmatic smile."_

_His eyes widen for a moment but then he recovers his control. **I want to break that control**. I will._

_"The arts of love", h_e states this simply, directly.

_"And you bring me these baubles!" _ I laugh and kick them all over the stone floor.

_"Go away and pick up your trinkets as you leave."_

I turn away and wave him away with my hand_. _My young virgins usher him out_**. **_**Now we will see what he does next**_._

I am asleep but my body is partly awake. I feel a quivering all inside as I tremble so very slightly, but constantly. As I open my eyes I face Edward and look into his green eyes and I know him. My eyes close involuntarily before I open them again. He is inside me moving so very slightly, playing with my desire and his desire. My breath catches, as I realize what he is doing to me.

_**"How long have you been inside me?"**_

_"All night. It's been very difficult_. _I've wanted to wake you a million times already. A few times I almost slept, but I felt I needed to watch over you while you slept. I don't know why. I held you to keep you safe. I don't know why I did that either. But I didn't second guess myself._

**_"But oh, Bella, sometimes I floated on waves and sometimes I was in black black space with only faraway stars to see shining. It was wonderful, but everytime you moaned or moved I immediately stopped being there to be with you. Here, now._**

And I increase my play with our desire, moving just a little more, holding him just a little tighter, until his breathing increases and I can feel his pulse beginning to pound faster. And then I move on top of him slowly and begin to move my pelvis down into him and then away, then into him again, so slow, so deep, and he groans and trembles. I move just a little faster, just a little deeper, holding him tighter, leaning down and breathing into his ear, biting his ear, kissing and biting the side of his face, down his jaw his neck his throat his chest, down, down, down, until I feel his hands stop me.

**_No, not yet_, he says. _Not yet._**

And he holds my ass against him, grinding me into him, grinding himself into me until I am coming undone. He won't stop, he won't let me catch my breath, I am trembling all over now inside and out, he has control over me and I am gladly offering it to him.

_"**Take me take me"**, _I say., thinking I don't want to be in charge here or anywhere. Take control of me, make my decisions for me, decide for us both. Please please please.

And he flips me on my back and then does exactly that. Relentlessly. I try to hold myself back until he comes and I succeed for only one minute and then he says, "**S**_**top holding back Bella, come now, let me feel you!"** He_ places his lips on my throat and begins to bite me. I am completely undone and I moan gibberish as I hold onto him for dear life, shaking and quivering and dissolving. Then I feel him let go in me, feel his semen hitting hard against the mouth of my cervix, to flood me inside.

**I am gone all over again.**


	13. Chapter 13E Dreaming

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

**Chapter 13 Dreaming**

**EPOV**

As she sank into sleep I kept holding her, gradually turning her around to face me, slowly touching her ever so lightly. I was feeling her tolerance, her limits to her awareness of me while she was asleep and I learned how to touch her all over without waking her. I heard only murmurs that excited me. I felt myself get hard as I listened to her, her changes in breathing pattern, her mumbled words, and sometimes her fluttering eyes under her eyelids to tell me she was dreaming.

**And I felt such love for her, such desire for her that I wanted to shake her awake and make love to her all over again.**

So I quieted down, closed my eyes, and very slowly began to enter her. With every movement she whimpered and threatened to wake up so I stopped until she quieted. When I was sure she was deep in sleep again I went deeper, and when she moved I stopped until she breathed deeply again. This went on until I was all the way inside her, hard and almost unable to contain myself. I held still until I could stand it, relax and breathe with her.

I focused my entire mind on the feeling of her and our breathing, as I synchronized mine with hers. And then my mind began to float. I wasn't asleep and I wasn't awake, I was somewhere else, somewhere familiar and strange. I held her as securely as I could without waking her. I touched her face and breasts and thighs and stomach and oh god I wanted to feel us joined like this.

**So I did.**

Sometime during the night I started to sleep and began to slide out of her, but I awakened myself and moved to feel her again, feel the way she affected me, and all thoughts of deep sleep were gone. As soon as I could quiet myself again I began to travel again. Through the dark, through time, somewhere I had been and yet had never been. And it was then I felt her quiver deep inside. All her organs were slightly quivering and she caught her breath.

_**What was she dreaming now? Her eyes were moving her eyelids now. She was dreaming, but of who and what was she dreaming? I felt intensely jealous.**_

Then I felt her grow quieter, more controlled, less susceptible to my movements. This I did not like at all, but I waited to see and hear what would happen next. Her foot kicked. She chuckled ironically, insultingly. And tried to turn over in her sleep, but I held her fast.

Gradually she breathed in synch with me again and moved in response to me. It was getting towards dawn now

and I wanted her bad. I had played with my desire all night long and I had been ready all night long. But oh, the

journey had been so beautiful.

**Now I have more of a feeling and knowing where we are and what has been planned for us and what we will do about that.**


	14. Chapter 14 : Bella's Dreams

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

* * *

><p><strong>The Hollow Men V - T.S. Eliot<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Between the Idea<strong>

**And the reality**

**Between the motion **

**And the Act**

**Falls the Shadow**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14: Bella's Dreams<strong>

* * *

><p>He has established a camp with his men outside the mouth of my cave. He spends the<p>

major part of every day and evening playing his instruments and singing to me. This has

gone on a few months, but the summer is ending and soon the autumn winds will become

chilly, and he will be gone. Meanwhile I listen to his music, his beautiful voice and the

lyrics of his songs. They are truly lovely and induce a languor in me that melts my bones.

I begin to feel that I never want silence again.

**This is a warning to me that I am not ****heeding.**

* * *

><p>The chill of autumn is upon us. The rains drench the hills below and the water runs down from the mountains above. It is damp and uncomfortable all the time now.<p>

But still he shows no signs of leaving. No matter. It is very pleasant to listen to him as I sit before the warm fire smelling the aroma from the herbs tossed on the fire. I meditate all night sometimes, my mind and fancy traveling to places I wonder about.

Tonight there is a storm that blows winds and torrents of rain and soaks all in its path. I wonder about the beautiful young man outside. How miserable is he. His songs sound lonely and melancholy now. And I am wondering about how sad he really is. Or is he just pretending in order to weaken me?

**He does not know the Sibyl very well.**

* * *

><p>It is an unusually cold winter. The snows are deep here in the mountains. The winds are cruel.<p>

He sings of a cruel mistress who tortures him by denying him her presence. The depth of his sorrow penetrates my heart. How can his lady persist in ignoring him this way? I of course know I am this lady of his, but this does not seem to affect my logic at all.

She is indeed exceptionally cruel to this talented, beautiful and charming musician, who must love her to distraction to suffer like this. My thoughts and feelings are dangerous.

**The Sibyl should not relent like this, even secretly in her mind and body.**

**I know I am beginning to weaken.**

* * *

><p>On a particularly cruel and vicious night I relent.<p>

I invite him to my hearth to warm himself in order to bear the night outside with more strength.

He bows to me and goes to the fire.

His clothes are damp and ragged now. I sit on pillows and watch him carefully.

His gestures are tender and graceful. His mouth full and without bitterness towards me.

He does not look at me directly. For this I am grateful. When he feels he has accepted my hospitality long enough he bows and departs. I wish he had not gone so quickly.

**Now I know I am in dangerous waters.**

* * *

><p>The winter winds continue as the month goes by and I invite him in more and more.<p>

He lingers longer each time. We do not speak, but one night I ask him to play and sing for me, which he does.

I find him enchanting and I smile at him, looking him full in the eyes. He does not flinch. My gaze is frightening to most, and few wish to meet my eyes.

I moisten my lips as he looks at me for a long long time, longer than is proper and respectful. My breathing changes and my color heightens; he does not miss this and his mouth lifts slightly at one corner in what might be a smile. I flush.

**The Sibyl is no longer in control it seems.**

* * *

><p>He comes in often now out of the cold, but only when I invite him and insist. And then it is inevitable that one evening we will brush by one another as we reach for the hot tea served to us.<p>

His touch shocks me and I know I have given up. I turn to him and ask him to spend the night with me.

We sleep beside each other, not touching, just feeling the thick air around us. My breathing is erratic following my thoughts. And before dawn I turn my face to him. His eyes are wide open.

**It seems he has not slept all night as neither have I.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>I have decided. I will be yours<strong>__, _I say.

He turns to touch me, my face, my neck, my lips, before he claims them as his. And oh, they are so sweet on me, so soft and tender, and I know I am such a cruel mistress, but he holds nothing against me.

I feel more pressure on my mouth as he enters his tongue inside me and I know I want all of him inside me. He places his hand on my breast and my breathing becomes heavy. I turn to him and embrace him in my arms, and try to glue myself to his body.

I unfasten his tunic as his hands slide into my loose gown, and I long for more and more of him. I have decided, and I will not stop now. **There will be consequences and I will pay them. **

**These consequences will be severe. ****For both of us.**

* * *

><p>I stop him for a minute and tell him, <em>t<em>_his means that we will be together for all eternity. _

_Never will we be able to separate. We will die and be reborn again and again and again. _

_We will never be complete until we find each other in all the lifetimes to come. _

_We will always have to be aware that the Other is looking for us even when we forget, our bodies will remember and search and search and search throughout all future and now past time. _

_There will never be a time when we are not together or waiting and searching. _

_This will be forever. _

_There will be no going back._

_I am yours forever and you are mine forever. _

_Are you sure? _

_Is this what you want? _

_I do want it._

**And he smiles brilliantly and grabs me, holding me tightly as if he will never let me go, and truly he never will**.

He slowly enters me and I twist my body to get away, to bring him closer and I can't stop breathing raggedly.

I clutch him to me and he takes me completely, all the way deep inside me where I did not know I was.

He groans and moans and is so tender and careful but I don't want that. I want him to take all of me to own me completely.

So I meet his thrusts and his surprise is revealed on his face.

I look directly into his eyes and say, _yes, yes, yes, I want you, all of you, do not stop ever, never never stop. _

And then he opens up to me and hums to me and smiles at me and begins to increase his plunging into me until I am turning, screaming, moaning, trembling, incoherent, completely mad with desire for him.

I shudder and then every separate part of my body detaches and shines with vibrations I could never find words for. He lets himself go inside me and throbs and throbs and throbs until I am full of him.

His juices inject onto the opening of my womb and I melt all over again as** I feel his seed enter me and I know I am conceiving with him. And I want it! **

**And I know nothing but tragedy will come of it!**

* * *

><p>When he returns later the following day I tell him I am with child. He looks at me astonished.<p>

_How can you know?_

I only shrug my shoulders and say, _I am the Sibyl._

_But you could be mistaken_, he says.

_The Sibyl is never mistaken, _I say.

Then joy lights up his face and he crushes me to him. _You will come with me, _he exalts.

_Where? _I say.

_With me. We will journey all over the world. You will not have to stay in a cave anymore. The world will love you. _

And I look at him and see that he has no idea who the Sibyl is. He has no idea what this means. I will try to tell him.

**_They will come after us and kill us. _**

_We will hide from them. We will go so far they cannot even imagine where we will be. There is so much of the world I want to show you._

_No, you are wrong. They will hunt us down forever. We will make a mistake and they will find us and we will be __doomed. We are doomed already._

**_I tell him I would never change a thing. That I love him and I will love him forever. And that I will keep him forever._**

* * *

><p>The Sibyl must not bear a child.<p>

I cannot tell him this. He will never understand. The forces of Destiny have brought him to me to conceive in me and the Sibyl will bear either a pure spirit or a monster.

If twins, one will be completely evil, and the other as pure, clear and good as a mountain stream. The evil one will kill his brother., either in the womb or later, but he will murder his brother.

The prophecies have foretold this. I already know I am with twins. This monster must not be unleashed on the world.

**He and I must never have a child. Never, all through eternity.**

* * *

><p>So one night I begin to do what I know I must do.<p>

I take him in my mouth and he moans in surprise and pleasure. I suckle him, suck him, take him in my throat and moan over him until he cannot stand it any longer and comes in my mouth and I drink him down and lick it off him and wipe my fingers on my face and lick them greedily.

When he recovers he takes me then without restraint, without withholding anything of himself from me.

And I am beside myself with delirium. Afterward I lie in his arms content for all eternity, **knowing I have chosen well**.

Each night I pleasure him in this way until one night I slide him down my throat and my throat muscles hug him, restrain him and demand him until he comes down my throat.

Then I begin to milk him and he screams with the ecstasy of it. I keep on and on as he writhes and moans until I taste a drop of blood.

**And then I slowly free him.**

I know that soon he will be mine forever.

As the weeks go by he begins to prefer my mouth and throat. Since I am with child it does not trouble him.

As more blood fills my mouth with his juices, his ecstasy is more and more intense. He begins to weaken.

I ask him if I should stop and I know he will refuse. He cannot stop now and neither can I. I am consumed by his blood and he is consumed by ecstasy.

And day after day and night after night we continue. By now he is very ill, and I have become terrified even though I knew this would happen from the beginning.

He begs me and begs me even though I have become fearful and am reluctant, he will not let me stop.

Soon he is dying and still he begs me to continue. _Please, please, just once more. I'll never ask you again, I promise I promise, but just this once more. _ He is lying and we both know it.

And one night I will succumb once more, bleed and drink him, and he will die in my arms with a smile on his face.

My tears will never stop. I cannot live without him. My body cannot live without his blood. My unborn child has been nourished by his blood and cannot accept anything else. So I begin to be bled.

I weaken quickly and know I will soon die.

The unborn child is too young to survive. The world is safe.

I trust my secrets to my successor. I write all this in one of the volumes of secrets, so my dangerous and lethal practices will be recorded, as well as my warnings when Destiny contrives a meeting between two lovers like us.

I weep for him as I die, but I am also joyful, as I know I will be with him again.

**And my hunger for him will ensure we will never breed.**

**We will love, but the world will be safe from the consequences of our love.**


	15. Chapter 15 :Imagining Bella

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

* * *

><p><strong>The Hollow Men V- T.S. Eliot<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Between the conception<strong>

**And the creation**

**Between the emotion**

**And the response**

**Falls the Shadow**

* * *

><p><strong>Between the desire<strong>

**And the spasm**

**Between the potency**

**And the existence**

**Between the essence**

**And the descent**

**Falls the Shadow**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15 E<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

Dawn was starting to break and I knew of a little trattoria near our hotel.

"Let's go get something to eat? Are you hungry?"

"I am", she said. And she got up to get dressed.

Outside on the piazza we are washing our fruit in the bowl of water, and sipping some dry white wine for breakfast. Such a simple way to eat. I order a plate of roasted calamari and two lattes. Looking out at the water the sky still has a tinge of the palest pink that is turning to that azure blue that Venice is known for. The incredible light you find nowhere else. And looking at the landscape that has been painted by almost everyone of note, it is difficult for me to see it fresh. I see Turner especially and I can't remember if he painted this or I am just imagining it as if he had. And then I turn to look at Bella and the seascape disappears. Her face is washed in this special light and I really see how beautiful she is.

"You are so beautiful Bella. You look like the morning of the world."

She looks at me until her eyes grow darker and I catch my breath.

"I want to tell you about my dreams, Edward. But not just yet. Later. We will go to see your paintings? That's not a question."

"We will. That's not an answer either," and I smile at her not taking my eyes from hers. Everything is delicious and we linger without talking. I feel myself becoming aroused and look at the water instead which is lapping at the steps making tiny foam waves. When I look back at her she is staring at me, licking her lips, and she doesn't look away as I lock in on her eyes. They darken again and she breathes more heavily.

"This has to stop," I say, "or I won't be able to concentrate when we look at art."

"I don't want to stop," she says simply, in a hushed voice.

My breath catches and I cannot stop gazing at her.

"We can go back to the hotel first. It's too early anyway to go to the exhibit." I'm smiling lazily at her. Her eyes widen and she turns in her chair.

She giggles, then laughs, "first one back gets to be on top," and she sprints for the hotel. She has a head start but I am a fast runner. I catch up to her and leap in front of her and grab her saying, "You lose. For a little while at least." And then I lean in to kiss her and she opens up to me completely, arching, and breathing heavily. From running or desire? Or both?

"Good god Bella, now how are we going to get back there?"

She laughs a tinkling laugh and pulls me closer. Now I am so hard and I want her so badly. I grab her hair and tighten my hold on her head as I kiss her more demandingly. We are both gone now and neither of us want to stop as we stand here in the middle of crossing the square with pigeons all around us.

"I'll make you come right here without touching you."

Her eyes widen and she kisses me harder.

"Yes, yes, now."

"Right now I'm going under that little silk skirt of yours and you have no panties on. I am feeling your thighs. I am sliding up because I smell you." Can you feel me, Bella?"

"Yes, oh yes, Edward. More."

"I am touching you now where you are hot and oh so wet. I am slowly, slowly touching you gently as I slide my index finger from your clit down sliding past your open cunt, just open for me, and all wet, so wet."

"Feel me my Bella, feel me."

"Oh Edward," and she pulls me closer as we stand here crushing our bodies against each other.

Now I am putting my finger in you, and you are so hot inside and so wet. I slowly draw it out and push it in again. I want to stop and taste you."

"No Edward, don't stop, please don't stop. More, more."

"I am rubbing your ass with my other hand. Do you think anyone will notice? Now I am taking my other hand and my first two fingers and wetting them in you. I am going under your skirt in the back and rimming your ass opening. Do you like it?"

"Oh god, Edward, yes, yes, I love it, I love it."

"Are you feeling my fingers in your cunt? My thumb rubbing your clit?" I can stop, you know. It isn't too late yet."

"No," she moans, "don't stop, don't stop. I'll collapse on the stones here if you stop. Hold me tighter. I'm trembling so. I feel like screaming."

"No no no, you must be quiet and hold it in. You can't come yet. I'm not done with you."

"Edward," she whispers softly and raggedly. "Please, please stop teasing me."

"But I love to," I say. "I love to bring you to the edge, and then stop and look at your face." Bella is gasping now. "I am putting three fingers in your cunt and I am circling your clit with my thumb. Now I press hard on your clit! And my fingers curl up inside you, hard! And my cock is urging me to move into you. My other fingers have entered your ass now and I am gently rubbing, around and around inside you, while I move my other hand in your cunt. So soft. So wet, just for me."

"Oh Edward, yes, just for you. Only you. Please I can't… please please please."

"Now I am moving hard and fast in you. I feel your trembling. Can you feel my hands and fingers? Can you, can you?" I say softly. "You can't hold it back much longer, can you? But I don't want you to come yet."

"Please Edward, please. Enough enough, please let me come now."

I lean in to kiss her throat and I whisper commandingly, "Now, Bella, now. Come all over me!" And I bite her neck hard enough to leave a bruise and she shudders all down her body as I hold her tightly, so tightly, that she cannot move or fall. I pull her mouth close to my skin to keep her from screaming, and she continues to convulse and shake while I hold her imprisoned.

When she begins to breathe normally she looks up at me with tears running down her face. "Oh Edward, oh Edward, I can't believe you did that to me. I can't believe it. It was so wonderful, so wonderful. I never dreamed,"… and she kisses me with abandon.

**And me. I can't believe it either. I imagine loving her in this way and it comes true**.


	16. Chapter 16: Waiting

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

* * *

><p><em>Don't you see yourself in every picture you love? You feel a radiance wash through you. It's something you can't analyze or speak about clearly. What are you doing at that moment? You're looking at a picture on a wall. That's all. But it makes you feel alive in the world. It tells you yes, you're here. And yes, you have a range of being that's deeper and sweeter than you knew."<em>

_He watched her. He didn't think he wan__ted to be surprised, even by a woman, this woman, who'd taught him how to look, how to feel enchantment damp on his face, the melt of pleasure inside a brushstroke or band of color._ (Cosmopolis)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15 B<strong>

**BPOV**

We are in the Biennale and walking to see Edward's paintings. I only see one. "Where is the other one you said was here?"

"Around the corner. It's very different but also the same."

I look at it from far away as I walk towards it. I stop to look at it from a distance, before I sit down on the bench in front of it to look. Edward sits next to me and is very quiet and still.

It is ten feet across and 6 feet down; really huge, not for just anyone to buy and put in a room in their house. It would require an extraordinary house to frame it properly. Or a corporate lobby.

It is very dark and mysterious. Blacks, deep blues, greens, browns, each stroke of color just slightly different in shade. I wonder if each deep blue has been slightly changed to make it qualitatively different from every other area of deep blue. I would bet money on it. Diagonally from the left is an infinitesimal slash of light cutting across, off center, to the far right corner, which it doesn't reach. It might have been lightening striking if it were a landscape, but it is not. Perhaps it could be seen as an abstract landscape. On either side of the bright illuminating, but so thin slice of bright cut of light, I can see more detail. It is as if the cut allowed more of something hidden to be observed for an instant. But it is unclear whether this is a sudden flash, partly or wholly permanent. And it arouses disturbing feelings in me. I feel very apart from Edward right now, maybe separated is the word.

I feel solitary and alone looking at it. Apprehensive, and a little afraid. I get up and walk closer, then closer still. It is not meant to be seen up close. But that's the way I want to see it. It is composed of thousands of tiny fragments, like tiny mirrors of darkness, slivers, with each one containing a world in it and I shiver. Pieces that look as if they compose a whole, but do not. The edges of each are sharp, and I feel I could slice my finger on them. But the brush strokes inside are sometimes soft, liquid, runny, curving, gloppy, and razor sharp. I shiver again.

Softness and vulnerability contained by edges, but the fragments are so small that they are not noticeable unless you are observing very carefully. Along the light slash there is a low illumination and there the fragments have softer edges. The paradox of hard edges in darkness and softer edges in low light is also disturbing. Now why would that be?

I continue to sit and breathe, feeling strangely isolated. I imagine Edward painting it. The almost finicky detail of the fragments, and the endless concentration and focus to do each one so perfectly. The very thin cut of light crossing the canvas, pulling the eye across and down on the diagonal, forcing the viewer to see it the way he wants you to see it, moving your eye the way he has decided you will move it. Controlling your vision.

He is slicing the world, killing it, and loving it at the same moment. The brightness offers a respite, an abandonment of pure brushstrokes, sensuous and unashamed. Brushstrokes of an almost illumination reflecting from the bright line of light across this world.

So if I were seeing this, and I didn't know him, I would be afraid of knowing him, I think. Complex and paradoxical, a slicing killer inside and the softness and vulnerability of a child. But which layer is predominant? Will he kill you first and then feel remorse? Or will he seduce you with his sensuality and then knife you, slice you, kill you.

I think of his painting it, the incredible detail, the focus and concentration eating and devouring time. Then I know he is simply waiting. Waiting alone, for what he does not know.

And then I know the bright light is me. And around me it is a little clearer, a little lighter, although not a great deal. The fragments, however, have soft edges and inside they are quivering and vulnerable, sensitively touched with the barest pressure of fingertips. I have felt his violence. I have felt his complete vulnerability in me. And he has felt all this in me. We are each other's match.

**I catch my breath and turn to him. He is looking at me and waiting. **

His eyes are not cold, not impersonal, but not lustful either. He is just waiting**. I decide to go with the truth.**


	17. Chapter 17: Waiting

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Other Criteria<strong> - Leo Steinberg**

**"Yet it depressed me and I wasn't sure why."**

In the works of Jasper Johns, Steinberg identifies a theme of great

consequence that is not clear to the naked eye, that of waiting.

Steinberg points out the "sense of desolate waiting" in Johns's

works, which all contain objects (flags, faces, coat hangers, etc.)

designed to move and function in a particular way, yet they are held

absolutely rigid and still. This technique, according to Steinberg, is

how Jasper Johns manages to invert the viewer's expectations of

what makes for significant art.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 17 E<strong>

**EPOV**

I'm watching her look at my painting. I wish I could read her mind. She is thoughtful, quiet, absorbed. I sit very still so as not to disturb her. It's a very large painting and most people look at it from a distance, but Bella gets up and moves in close.

Now her perspective is the same as my own when I was painting it. So I know she is looking carefully at each brushstroke, noticing each slight variation in color. I hope I am being as still as the bench I am sitting on, but I am anxious to know what she sees, because I know she is seeing me as well, and is not just observing it as a painting.

She stands relaxed in front of it. I notice when her breathing pattern changes and I wonder what she sees and feels that lead to that change. Something is affecting her, but I have no idea what. When she finishes, she turns to me to walk over and looks at me with huge eyes.

"I see what you meant when you said what you said the other day. I am not sure I would have been brave enough to meet you after seeing this.

"She sits down beside me then and tells me all that was going through her head while I was wondering. And I am completely surprised."

She says, "Leo Steinberg wrote about Jasper Johns first show, and how everything screamed waiting, solitary waiting, endless waiting. Hangers waiting. Partial plaster faces waiting. But I see your waiting very differently.

"Your very action in painting is inscribing your feelings, your touch with the brush, your nuances of the same color over and over, as just a focused time while you wait. You paint a painting that will take forever to finish so you will be interested while you wait. And it is clear that you are going to wait forever, for your entire life if necessary, so no wonder you memorized Duras statement on loving, longing and waiting.

"It's so beautiful Edward. I am changed forever knowing that you were waiting for me and would wait your entire life for me. You told me in words, but now I see it, feel it, and am changed by that knowing. I tremble over that and chance and Destiny. What if…."

And I hush her with my fingers and pull her to me as her eyes fill up with tears that spill over at an imagined loss and desolation.

"I can't even think about not having you now. And I've just had you for a few days. I've been without you my whole life up to now. How did I live? The truth is, I wasn't. I was just surviving. "

And she turns in my arms on the bench and puts her arms around me and just holds on for dear life. She is weeping silently and trembling against me. "Don't ever leave me. I will die if you do."

I laugh at her and say, "After waiting that long do you even think it is possible for me to consider it?" And I hold her tighter. We breathe together and sit very still here in front of my painting, sit still on the hard bench holding each other.

"I think I would like to wait another time for us to see the other one. Will you go along with that. That's not a question." She laughs but doesn't move away from my arms. I caress her face, drawing my fingers over her cheekbones, down her neck to her throat, and on down over her breasts, her waist, her stomach, her thighs, her legs to her feet. I bring my face close to hers and softly kiss her face, neck, throat and then I turn her face so I can cover her lips with mine. I hold us like that as we breathe together.

"**Oh," she says, and kisses me harder as if she will never let me go. If she does, I won't let her.**


	18. Chapter 18:Mine

**Twilight: Impossible Destiny**

* * *

><p><strong>The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock - T.S. Eliot<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Let us go then, you and I,<strong>

**When the evening is spread against the sky...**

**...In the room the women come and go**

**Talking of Michelangelo...**

**...I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each,**

**I do not think that they will sing to me.**

* * *

><p><strong>For Savage's Hide and Drink Edward<br>**

* * *

><p><strong>The blood blossom blooms<strong>

**At the fragile girl's throat**

**The vampire bears down**

**Holding her imprisoned supine form**

**His mouth open**

**His lips caressing**

**Smooth silken skin**

**Suckling and sucking**

**Thick wet fragrant blood**

**In perfect precise mouthfuls**

**Throbbing into him**

**Drinking and calming his frenzy**

**Then with venom seals her wound**

**Saving her for yet**

**Another day**

**Another night**

**Another time**

**Until...**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 18<strong>

**BPOV**

As I sit on his lap I feel him getting hard, desiring me and I kiss him a little harder, then harder until I begin to feel his breath changing. There is no one in this room so I slip my legs over him and straddle him, and then he really gets hard, so I can feel him through my little silk skirt. I have no panties on just in case. My mouth is on his neck and I nibble and then graze my teeth on his now pulsing artery. I catch my breath, he smells so delicious and tastes so good.

My hands find him below and I place him in front of my entrance over my skirt so I can feel him more as I lean in to kiss him. Edward catches his breath and begins to breathe raggedly. "I'm no where near finished with you yet, " I say darkly, meaning every word.

We are still alone in the room, but I hear voices coming nearer. "I have to have you in me right now, right away. I need to feel totally connected to you, no separations." I reach down and unzip his pants, and I feel how hard he is. I rub up and down his cock and he moans, "Bella, Bella, here?"

"That's not a question," I say. "Any objections? That's not a question either." I lift the filmy skirt over him and slightly push myself up to place him at my entrance with my free hand. I'm so wet he slides in slowly and deeply, and I whimper and moan. He is breathing much too fast now.

"Please, please slow down, slower," I say. I sigh and just hold him in me as I feel him so deep. People are coming in now, so I don't move a muscle, keeping my head turned into his neck, my mouth open against his artery and licking and sucking quietly.

"Oh, god Bella, I can't stand this," he says.

"Yes, we can and we will, as long as I can. But I don't know how long I can hold out. Either." The tourists look at us and see two people in each other's arms, cuddling, and that's all. They begin murmuring as they look at the paintings. I feel when they are looking at Edward's painting. They just become silent and stand there. There is nothing to say.

Our breathing quiets. I tighten my muscles around him and feel him twitch. I move just a millimeter down on him and it feels so much deeper that I sigh deeply. I quiver internally and my desire increases. This man will be the death of me. I tell him, "You will be the death of me." He tightens his hold on me and I gasp in surprise. "Oh god, Edward I feel you inside me, all over. I could let go and come right this minute. But I won't. I'm not finished with you." He groans imperceptibly, so only I can hear him. His voice is a sound that vibrates deep inside me and I tremble. He feels me respond and hums in my ear. I am coming undone.

"Stop, slower," I say. "Slower, slower." And I still and calm my breathing and he joins me until we are at the edge, quietly holding ourselves there. No frenzy. Yet. "I love you so much I can scarcely believe it," I say.

"I know," he says. "It is the same for me. I have never loved anyone before. This is completely new for me. I cannot believe it. I don't think I will ever believe it either. How did this happen? Who started it. Not a question."

I glue myself to his chest and raise myself a little and then sink down hard and fast. The air whooshes out of his lungs, and I begin trembling again. I love to make him lose control.

More people are coming into the room, so I am very very still. I feel Edward tense, but I am relaxed. I know how they are seeing us. Indulgently. Young lovers. Remember when we were…., but oh they have no idea, none at all. I wrap my cunt around him now. Each muscle strokes him, circles him, my lower muscles squeeze him.

"My throat is better," I say. "My muscles are more delineated, separate, more controlled." He trembles in me, longing for that sensation. "Do you know that there are Asian prostitutes who can smoke cigarettes with their cunt?" They tighten like this," and I show him and he breathes sharply in.

His hands move to my shoulders and he bears down. My breath catches, and I breathe deeper. I lose control and begin trembling. My insides are quivering spontaneously. I have lost all control and I just hold him and tremble. I tighten and loosen on him, feeling him all around me inside me. I want to keep him there forever. Yes, that's what I want . To have him inside me forever. How can I ever feel full again if he leaves me? That is a question? And I know the answer to it. I can't. Not ever.

"Oh, please," I say. "Oh please."

"Oh please, what?" he says. "Tell me and it's yours."

"You," I say.

"But you already have me."

"But not forever like this," I say. "I can't keep you inside me forever."

"But you can," he says. "Let me in your womb. I want all of me in your womb. Forever."

And then my body leaves me and decides for itself, quivering around him, hugging him, letting go, then tightening again so hard he couldn't get out. But he doesn't want to. I am gasping for breath. All my well trained internal muscles, ready for this for centuries, fall apart and throb.

"Each time my walls caress you is like each of those brushstrokes inside one of those fragments. You are hard in me, but oh so soft too. There are thousands of those fragments in your painting, and I am going to love you for each one of them, holding you softly, firmly, sometimes sloppily, but hold you I will. Once for each fragment in time your body and mind anticipated me, desired me, as you endlessly painted that painting and waited for me. This is what you were waiting for." And I begin to fall apart yet again.

I have a little "tooth" deep in my vagina, right by my cervix where it opens into my womb. I feel it opening now. I put that piece of flesh over his urethra and gently at first circle it. I begin to probe his opening harder then more and more until I feel him reach the edge. I let go and pulse and say, "My birth control is 99.95 percent effective. We have a point 05 chance. Break down my barrier. Break it down! Stay in me forever."

He doesn't let go. He ejaculates, hard, far up into me, jetting me with his semen until all my insides are covered and soaked. I feel his hands bear down on my shoulders so hard I think I will push through his thighs into the bench. I love it. Then I feel my cervix open wide to embrace him and I shudder again and come all over him, making waves that push him further inside me all the way. Still he continues to ejaculate in me deeper and deeper. And then I know. I am conceiving. I relax and just breathe, holding him in my arms and cunt.

"I have conceived," I say.

"How can you know that."

"I just know."

"You could be mistaken."

**"The Sibyl is never mistaken."**

And then he looks up at me with such radiant joy on his face I think I will die.

* * *

><p>End of Part 1<p> 


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